Wednesday, June 15, 2011

we meet again

i really thought i wouldn't come back here - but i always say that. almost made it a whole year without blogging...10 months? anyhoo - i avoid blogging at times for fear of being discovered. or worry that i'm sharing my secrets with strangers and not with the people closest to me. i'm in a relationship now. a good relationship. one that i want to keep. i worry that the discovery of this blog could cause some complications...
anyhoo, i'm a little rusty. i want to start on some new writing projects. i figure if i start blogging here and there, my creative juices may start flowing in the right direction.
i want to make something from my trip to honduras. i keep writing and reading and walking away and then trying to rediscover what that was, what i wanted to share... i feel a bit stuck. i'm in a city that doesn't feel like home, living with a boy who does feel like home - so i survive... but the rest is pretty ho-hum. great in moments, but not familiar. not toronto. and i won't move back, because i'm following that gut instinct i had... try to follow through.
i'm trying to do something here. if you want something done, you have to do it yourself. the older i get, and the more others rely on me, the harder it is to take risks. especially when your partner in crime is terrified of risks. so what do you do? push. i try to push.
as per usual, my first blog back is a ramble. more for myself really.
how will i keep myself as myself. how does one retain their youth and inner magic. why is love such an amazing drug, but also a trap of sorts.... i wouldn't trade it, but how does my independent self survive within it??
it's sunny. i should go outside and enjoy being alive. maybe something will come to me.