Saturday, June 27, 2009

3 days in mexio

travel makes the rest of life seem irrelevant in the moment.
home has family, friends and pursuit of a dream.
travel has life.

it´s all life though, isn´t it...
i crave variety more the older i get.
the closer i get to an age where i might settle down
the more i want to rip up roots.

carp diem.

Monday, June 22, 2009

last minutes

so, i should be finishing up packing.
last day in my town b4 a summer away.

i've been home as long as i was travelling last year.

went to a party on saturday night.
was thinking before hand: i bet i'll meet a guy the week before i go to leave.
so what happens.
i meet a guy.

could be nothing.
could be something.

all i know is he's cute, he spent the night in my camper and we just had an hour long fb conversation.

so maybe i'll see him when i get back.
and maybe i wont.

but it seems i've met someone i'd like to see again - and i think the feeling is mutual.

you are so predictable.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

ode to 29

29 - so far you are the shit
i can't stop ageing by stressing about it - so eff it.

i've never auditioned this much in my life. not that i can remember. maybe it's b/c i'm applying for everything. maybe it's b/c i don't let myself make excuses not to go. maybe it's a bone that the universe has been witholding until now.
who knows.
all i know is it's pretty great.
except i'm not booking anything that pays... yet. think positive.

for skinny's sake - i'd like to let you all know that i got dissed (yes, i said 'dissed') by the local dinner/community theatre. didn't cast me. lame. lameo lamerton.

but who the eff cares??? i don't. i don't, really... although i thought it would be cool to play annie sullivan, or sing "SWING YOUR RAZOR WIDE, SWEENY". whatevs. no big deal. i'm 29 - i laugh in the face of rejection... hahahaHA!

i'm also mature enough now to ask boys out via facebook. no more silent stalking for me!! oh no - time is of the essence.

so what am i trying to say??
i don't know.
a lot of things suck, but a lot of things are pretty great.
life: bring it on.
30: bring it... well... take your time... but BRING IT.
'oh, it's already been broughten'.... snap.
i have no idea how that last quote pertains to this conversation i'm having with myself.
lack of sleep?
excessive hours driving??

oh - and ended up staying in a hostel last night in the same room alone with beautiful young athletic/rower/climber/swimmer from montreal. he was 22... if that. i was like "oh, this reminds me of something" / "i'm impervious to your charms boy!! i've done this before!"

wait a minute. THIS IS NOT AN ODE!!
it's a ramble.

i'm sorry fellow bloggers. my writing has gone down the toilet.
i'll insert poetry or something.

oooh! i did write a poem... i'll post it later. it's all longing and unrequited love-esque.
good times.

dear 29: where have you taken my writing skill? and my maturity for that matter??? don't worry, i still like you - but nobody may like me once you're done with me.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

happy birthday to me

so this birthday has surpassed the last three shitty ones. last good birthday was 25 - at bedroom princes place -a joint bday with neenia... i had a cute boyfriend... we all got drunk... there was a life sized cher cut out...
all amazing.
and after that.
stood up bday. awkward bday. alone bday.

this year. pretty low key. good dinner with family. icecream cake with a kitten on it... haha.
drinks with some friends.
not bad.

and i'm feeling good about my age.

life seems to be throwing me some cards. maybe nothing will turn into anything, but for now, there's something.

i need to learn an irish accent by saturday... also music from 'joseph' and 'sweeny todd'.... yikes....
then 4 shakespeare excerpts for monday.

wait a minute... am i living the life of an actor... finally?
perhaps perhaps.
things aren't always what they look like.

tonight i know i disappointed a boy by going home early. but i'm not ever going to love him. so why lead him on? i've always lead them on b/c i feel bad saying 'see ya later'. so i'm home alone. with a glass of good red wine. blogging.

life isn't what i expected in some ways. but it's working for me so far. sometimes i get all self indulgent and whiney and 'why why why'... but then i realize that i'm being ridiculous. i have everything.
well, not everything. but more than i need.

29 and all is well. i think 29 suits me. more so than 27 or 28. the feeling old has somehow melted away with this birthday and now it's just life.

i'm gonna live forever.... light up the sky with my name...