Monday, January 19, 2009

not so bad

so things are looking up.
i spent the weekend alone up at my parents cottage. very nice.
i think i have a plan!

i'm going to give this town a chance. living at home means i am free to leave without worry.
i can visit toronto - which i will once or twice this year.
i can work in different cities for bits of time... like for theatre (eg. fringe and summerstock)
i have time to write.
and it looks like i'll have dayjob work - horray money!

also - i'm going to apply for a writing grant... fingers crossed! and look into a vancouver agent (see if they'll rep me long distance)

the biggest ingredient i need is patience. which i'm getting better at.
i still need some friends (local friends), which will hopefully come with time. sex life would also be nice before i get old and my assets are hanging on the ground.... sex in kelowna? does this happen? to be determined....

anyhoo... i can't complain about the living situation, the cottage access and vehicle access (i feel spiritually at one with the vw camper van... it's such a hippy dippy independence vehicle).
plus, if the vw van holds out - i may be road tripping to mexico this summer for my sister's wedding... oh yeah.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009


i feel like i should blog now or i'll never blog again.
my motivation switch is broken.
i do stuff. stuff i should do. but more b/c i know it's the thing to do.
like call re: jobs. look up theatre companies on line. go to pilates.

i feel like i'm hiding out in my hometown. and it's like the last 10 years of my life didn't happen. there's no evidence of it anywhere.
that freaks me out.
what was i working so hard for again?? what do i have to show for it?

and how did i turn 28? when did that happen?
i find myself checking out boys that are way too young for me... it's as if i think i'm still their age - and guys my age.... well, there are no straight single guys my age. there aren't even guys my age in general. i think someone had them all killed when i turned 23.

i have these goals. that i could write down on paper. but if i do that then i'll have to do something about them. and that gives me anxiety. so i dont.
one day at a time.

i feel like a foreiner in my own country. i just don't understand what everyone gets so worked up about. i don't get why the things that are important to people here are important.
maybe i'll phase out of it.
maybe it's just reverse culture shock.
or maybe i'm just using that as an excuse to be wishy washy.

that's so not like me.
balls to the wall.

i just have to wait til january passes.... then i might impress myself...