seriously??

so we´re going to this jungle river lodge to meet up with another volunteer and her bf.
but they don´t have dorm beds available.
all that´s available is a shared private room.
one bed.
really?
this is getting out of hand.

this place is warping me....

i'm exhausted.
i've doubled up on jobs - actually more like trippled up - trying to fill in for volunteers who've left - and it's exhausting.
also learned that the head of the organization i'm working for (whose incompetant in most ways) may be a pedophile.
stellar.
not jumping to conclusions yet though.

and i've been living with boy for 2 weeks alone.
we're friends.
i don't think i'm even female to him.
or i'm just soooo very old that i don't count.
i might as well be a chair for all he's concerned.
but we're friends.
fantastic.

could you put your shirt on while your being friends with me then?
and not be so attractive?
i don't know if i'm attracted b/c he shows absolutely no interest and i want to be in the game, or i'm actually interested.
there have been those moments of 'what do you mean by that' and 'do you realize what the hell you're saying' in my head.
too many.
i feel like i'm in highschool and have a crush on my male friend who is constantly talking about 'girls'.
it's all very highschool... or first year university... one of the two.
like a movie staring hillary duff.
ridiculousness.

i really have to stop thinking about it.
he leaves in less than a week and i'll be living with ugly people.
the way it should be.

also - like this is really a huge problem.... there are children starving in the world...
like next door.
nice.
my sense of humour has become really twisted.
for example, he and i think we should start a game where the first person to see a dead animal gets points.
cats and dogs are low.
cows and horses are high.

creepy and disgusting.
but what do you do?

inappropriate things to do:

bible study with out a shirt.
talk incessantly about other volunteer girl while not wearing shirt.
become super extra good friends with me.
without wearing said shirt.

i'm going to die.

lice, lonliness and forbidden fruit.

so. i have lice. lice. so so sexy.´
it was bound to happen.

i went to utila a week and a half ago.
bliss.
met up with the karate instructor volunteer from ny, a swim instructor volunteer from ireland, and a cool girl volunteer from colorado.
i enjoyed being sandwiched between two well defined boys in a kayak.
will this happen again? probably not.

my french canadian roommie has decreased her meds and is starting to get on my nerves. the bluntness i once found refreshing is now more like rudeness that makes me want to punch her in the face.
just a little.

but she´s leaving on saturday.
so are the dutch couple.

so then it will just be me and the boy who just arrived two days ago.
alone.
for 15 days until more show up.

the boy who just arrived:
guessing he´s about 21.
a 6 ft tall rugby player from alabama. with the lats of a rock climber.
devout christian but without being preachy in any way.
and drinks like a college boy when given the opportunity.
much to attractive for my comfort levels.
i woke up this morning and walked into the main room to find him sweeping the floors shirtless.
after this he sat down to do some bible study.
i feel like he just walked out of some christian soap opera.

is this a test? wtf.

i´m fascinated.
just look. don´t touch.

i still don´t have a friend here.
a complete friend that i can sit and talk and talk and talk to.
i´m waiting.

i have to go do groceries and buy lice shampoo.
my life is so glamourous.... is that how you spell that??