Saturday, March 21, 2009

waiting for doug

i'm sitting around, house to myself for the weekend... actually having a weekend in the traditional sense...

i feel like i should be doing something productive just because. however, i am currently waiting for the microwave guy to finish installing the microwave. dave from sears. or is it doug from sears... i'm bad with names. i'm also hungry. doug - let's call him doug - called at 930am to say he'd arrive 'late morning' which, in installer-guy terms, i take to mean noon. so i started making my amazing brunch at about 1020, when 'dingdong!' doug's here! 45 minutes he says. i've left the sauteed omelette ingredients on the counter. bread teetering in the toaster. i'm hungry dammit!

it's absolutely beautiful outside. but i must eat before exiting the house. so now i'm diddling around on line. i can smell my half made brunch. mild torture.
i could make use of myself and work on my grant application... but that would just be too perfect of me. besides, i don't even know if i'm eligible for this specific grant. i'm waiting, and have been waiting for one and a half weeks, for nancy from the canada council to get back to me re: my resume. i think i may have the wrong email address.
it remains to be seen.

my plans for the weekend are as follows:
-go for a jog
-go for a swim
-wax legs
-paint nails
-rent a movie
-drink some wine
-buy new shoes and maybe tops for new job (gotta keep those office boys interested)
-think about sort of making progress on grant application
-be outside sometimes
not particularily in that order. so far i've done some writing, drank some wine (last night), and sent a second email regarding my grant eligiblity. not bad. not great.

i wish doug would speed things up... it's now been an hour at the least.
don't lie doug... it's not nice. 45 mins and an hour and 15 are two very different things. now doug is on his cell... hmm work related? who knows. ooh... sounds like he's nearly done. maybe.
i want to eat!

well... yet another random blog for self entertainment. i should do this more often.
okay. let's wrap this up, doug. time to go. the microwave seems to be installed.
why install a microwave anyway? it's always been a counter appliance to me. just plop the thing on the counter. but i guess when you live in a nice house and have nice things you can afford to suspend your microwave over top of the stove.

what a ridiculously cushy little world i'm living in at present.
it'll be nice to get back to reality eventually - where microwaves don't always exist.

the real world?

i finished my first week of the temp job.
i'm relieved to be busy.
i'm happy to be around people.
it's fun to dress pretty.
a 'real' job.

feels kind of like being back in high school or university.
more high school, actually.
the structure. the familiar faces. the boys and the girls. the superiors and inferiors.
mutual checking out. idle chit chat. mini crushes. strategic flirting.
a predictable landscape where you can fantasize about the unpredictable.

i get why people, most people, choose this life.
it's so simple.
just show up.
i'm sure, at least i hope i'm sure, that i'll get bored of it all.
i'm counting on it.
but for now i'm enjoying this part i'm playing.

Sunday, March 08, 2009

lazy lazy bored bored

i've let a month go by with no blogging. bad me. not as bad as the rest of you (skinny excepted)... but bad. (insert finger wagging here)

it's just those february blahs. topped with living back with my parents in my home town where i have barely any social life. topped with the fact that i have not been involved in any sort of theatre or performance activity in sooooo long. i'm an actor. really? prove it.

i know that this step is just as important as all the other steps. the rest time. the 'save hypothetical money' time. the down time.

i'm bored with down time. i'm bored with this town. i'm bored with myself.

but next week i start a temp office job. i'll be playing the part of 'receptionist'. if i describe it like some sort of live experimental theatre series i feel much better about it. the costumes are great. haven't met the supporting cast yet. hoping there might be a romance that gets gradually revealed through season one. hoping the series gets cancelled after one season.
i'd hate to get type cast.

listen to me. i'm imbalanced. i live in a weird little world inside my head where it's actually all a movie or a stage play. i actually rearrange the events of my day in my head as they're happening to create a more succinct, audience friendly format. i think being around 'normal' people in a 'normal' world is revealing my inner strangeness. i think i hide it pretty well though.

oh god get me out of here. the plan is to move to vancouver... after a summer in toronto... but is that where i belong? i feel like hercules... singing that "find where i belong" song. except i'm not in as good of shape... i am going to the pool tomorrow... swimming laps is a start.... but seriously - one needs a personal trainer and nutritionist to get disney-hot.
i've lost track of my thought. maybe it's time for bed.

ugh. to sleep perchance to dream... perchance to wake up and actually be stimulated by life for a full day or more....

it's like i used up my big bag of interesting already. it's all or nothing, isn't it.

well. rambley ramble-pants. i thought i had a point. i need to see a shrink. that's my point. but for now i will just vent in blog format. lucky readers.
who reads this anyway? aside from my fellow bloggees... i sometimes wonder if ex boyfriends or ex boyfriends girlfriends or old colleagues, or random people i once knew somehow know this is me and are privy to all my inner thoughts. i would assume they'd get bored and eventually stop reading... i count on that so i don't have to over censor myself. not that i would... or care... really.
just curious..... show yourselves!!! .... hmm. step away from the computer.

see what this place is doing to me!? if i was tom hanks in castaway i'd be in much worse shape than befriending a soccer ball. i'd have married the soccer ball and had soccer ball children and then started a touring family theatre company for the coconut trees.

i keep feeling it's time to wrap this blog up. wrap it up. that's a wrap.

just one more thing... actually i have no other thing.... i just feel as though i haven't propperly concluded. maybe a quote.... (thinking....)....
nope. nothing. sorry.
the end.