Wednesday, October 11, 2006

i ____ you

how does one express those overwhelming emotions without saying "i love you." "i love you" has so much attached to it... so much responsibility.... what other words are there? "i like you" isn't strong enough.

i like mashed potatoes, and they aren't even in my top 10 favorite food items. i also like my landlord. but i wouldn't make him a birthday card.... or go down on him...

i love a lot about life. i love my friends, my true friends. but they are friends. how do i tell a friend who is also a lover that i love them? it's a different dynamic.

one is able to have more than one friend that they love - and these friends may come and go, fade in, fade out.... but lovers arent' usually able to come and go and come back again the way friends do.
you are supposed to choose one partner - and if something separates you, and you find another lover/partner - you can't keep the one you left behind. at least not in the same way.... and you may still 'love' them - but it's no longer possible in actions.
so what words am i supposed to use to say what it is i feel?
because i want to say something.... but i don't want to jump ahead of myself.... i don't want to say something when i don't know if i can sustain it with my actions.

so i wait.
and i feel bottled up sometimes.
and you ask me what i'm thinking.
and i say "nothing"