remember the time....

remember the time i missed my flight home to bc, and then had to wait 7 hours in the airport on standby for a flight that ended up being delayed 3 hours? and remember the time i couldn't get on that flight standby, or on any other flight home fro the next 3 days unless i flew from toronto, to montreal, to winnipeg, to calgary to vancouver and then caught a bus to kelowna? so i decided to wait for the next available standby flight on christmas morning? so i wouldn't be able to get home til 11am on christmas day - and even that wasn't a 100% guarantee? and then i had to call my boyfriend to pick me up at the airport at 130 am and i hadn't even gone anywhere?
remember that time?
that was good times.
merry christmas.
west jet can suck my balls.

phew

i actually have a day off of work. two days off! insane! last night was my last split shift and i thought i was going to pass out in my last hour... but no, i survived.. because i'm a survivor. just like destiny's child.

also... i had coffee with the friend who likes me too much... and i think he's gotten the hint. unless he's just playing it cool until his next plan of attack... ahhh!! dun dun dunnnnnn....
whatever... i feel releif anyway.

this blog is lame.
my head feels like a block of cheese.
i was going to go to the gym.
maybe i'll skip the gym and eat cookie dough instead.
it's just a thought.

yummy

my hot boyfriend is making me ukranian food.
lots of it.
very sexy.

horray to being in a relationship :)

of course i'm only in it for the food... and the sex...
just kidding.

(i kind of felt like saying "Not!!" instead of "just kidding" - it was like this flashback to grade 6. i think i'm going to bring it back... not!! hahahaha)

tactful getaway

soo...
still stressing on how to get rid of persistant man who likes me too much.
unfortunately i chose to initiate a coffee date a week and a half ago.
i feel that this gave a wrong impression.
now there are phone calls.
probably should make second coffee date and bring this up in person.
probably most tactful way to go.

none of this would be a problem if i wasn't such an attention whore. i don't want attention anymore. i have enough attention.
i guess this is what i get.

bah.

fear of what?

so i'm facing my fears.
i'm not running away.
hmmmmm...
this feels pretty good.
pretty great actually.

there was a time when things seemed so clear

so now i don't know what to do.
as pointed out by bedroom prince - i may be throwing away something amazing due to fear.

i'm terrified.
i'm afraid of committment.
i'm afraid of the word 'love'.
i'm afraid that i'll let him down.
i'm afraid he'll let me down.
i'm afraid i'll let me down.
i'm afraid that i'll become blinded by love and throw away my career without even knowing.
i'm afraid that i won't be the most beautiful to him.
i'm afraid that he won't be the most beautiful to me.
i'm afraid of the questions from my parents. questions from my friends.
i'm afraid my life will just end up being average despite my efforts to really live.
i'm afraid that love is an illusion.
i'm afraid that i'll do just fine without him.
i'm afraid that i'll wake up one day and wish that i'd had time time time on my own.
i'm afraid that this just might be perfect.
i'm afraid that he could possibly become my best friend.
i'm afraid that i'm staying away just because i'm afraid.
i'm afraid of staying because i don't want to be lonely.

when did relationships become so complicated?
why am i such a freak?
what the hell should i do????!!!

apparently i have more baggage than i was previously aware of.
and i had coffee with my friend who is obviously wanting to be my boyfriend and now i have to find a tactful way to explain for the millionth time that it just isn't going to happen!!

ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i'm so getting drunk with neenia tomorrow night.

the cleanse didn't work

so i wasnt ready to cleanse. there has been no cleansing this week. in fact the opposite.
and i'm minus a boyfriend.
i can't wrap my mind around it.
i can't quite get it.
i just followed an instinct.
my instincts are usually right.
so why do i feel ill.

but somehow it makes way too much sense.
for no reason at all.

time to open a bottle of wine.
perhaps take up smoking.
if i liked it.

what the hell am i doing.