Wednesday, December 06, 2006

there was a time when things seemed so clear

so now i don't know what to do.
as pointed out by bedroom prince - i may be throwing away something amazing due to fear.

i'm terrified.
i'm afraid of committment.
i'm afraid of the word 'love'.
i'm afraid that i'll let him down.
i'm afraid he'll let me down.
i'm afraid i'll let me down.
i'm afraid that i'll become blinded by love and throw away my career without even knowing.
i'm afraid that i won't be the most beautiful to him.
i'm afraid that he won't be the most beautiful to me.
i'm afraid of the questions from my parents. questions from my friends.
i'm afraid my life will just end up being average despite my efforts to really live.
i'm afraid that love is an illusion.
i'm afraid that i'll do just fine without him.
i'm afraid that i'll wake up one day and wish that i'd had time time time on my own.
i'm afraid that this just might be perfect.
i'm afraid that he could possibly become my best friend.
i'm afraid that i'm staying away just because i'm afraid.
i'm afraid of staying because i don't want to be lonely.

when did relationships become so complicated?
why am i such a freak?
what the hell should i do????!!!

apparently i have more baggage than i was previously aware of.
and i had coffee with my friend who is obviously wanting to be my boyfriend and now i have to find a tactful way to explain for the millionth time that it just isn't going to happen!!

ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i'm so getting drunk with neenia tomorrow night.

6 comments:

Neenia said...

yes, baby, YES. you just bring all yours fears on over to my hot apartment and we'll drink them away. i like to do things the healthy way.

warriorprincesse said...

all those things you're scared of sound awesome.

nosiren said...

listen to bedroom prince

(i get afraid of all those things too. . . )

Neenia said...

should i maybe be more helpful like nosiren and warriorprincesse instead of just getting you drunk?

i agree with them both. plus i think you're fabulous for being scared of all those things. welcome to relationships, not that you or i need welcoming because well, we're slutty.

now let's fucking get drunk.

skinny-rabbit said...

you should date yourself. I'm dating me and loving it! Except we didn't fuck last night, so I'm wondering if the relationship's getting stale already.

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