t dot

tomorrow might as well be christmas because I'M GOING TO TORONTO!!! WOOHOOO!
sooooo needing this right now. i can't even wait. i doubt i'll sleep. gah. i need to be teleported.
slight sad part is that i'm only going for a week.
i had a panic moment today thinking "why am i here? why am i not living in Toronto?? who decided this again!!??"
but then i remembered all the reasons.
i just really wish i was rich and could fly back and forth whenever i gd felt like it.

one day.
that's what i'm working on.
here.
in k-town.
with one friend.
sort of.

i can't wait i can't wait i can't wait i can't wait!!!!

facebook

why is it so addicting and satisfying and unsatisfying?
this wierd replacement for an actual life. which is so much more addictive when you barely have a life...
i'm feeling all unpopular b/c no one commented on my stupid f-ing 25 things. everyone else got comments.
were my 25 things boring? irrelevant?
why does no one love me!!! AAAAAAhhhhhhh!!!
see! see what gd fb does to me!!??
and why do i need to be notified when other people comment on other people's 25 things??? just rubbing it in my face is what.
balls to the wall.

ooh - but to make up for it, today i had two previous crushes randomly write on my wall.
not important that one is married with three children and the other is 22 and inlove with someone else. and both live far far away. and i'm not actually interested in either other than in a purely facebook sense.... details.
also... other 'friend' (who, i think, also has a gf) offered for me to 'crash' at his place while in the t dot. what kind of offer is this??
as you can tell by my random obsessing - i have WAY too much time on my hands.

thank god i'm having a little toronto adventure in 4 days. sanity may be restored.

writers block?

i'm writing. well, more like copying.
i'm going through all my journals from my year and typing up the good/interesting parts in hopes that i'll be inspired to create some amazing story.
the thing is - it's kind of an amazing story just the way it is.
well, maybe not amazing - but interesting.
so what the hell am i going to do with it?

the plan is to apply for a grant. but i have to tell them what i'm doing to get the grant. what am i doing?
i used to be able to fully visualize my end product... it would always change - but at least it was there.
i'm waiting for my 'aha!' moment.
as i get older these projects drag out longer and longer.
maybe it's b/c my life becomes more layered.
i don't know what i'm trying to say.

i wish i could just publish an edited version of my journals. and they would be super relevant and people would feel like they'd been somewhere after reading.

i think i think too much.
i think i can't wait til i get to toronto.
i think i'm not going to be able to ride on the interestingness of my past year for much longer...
i think i hate that valentines day is in a week and a half.
i think i probably could have done with just the one cup of coffee.
i think i want attention.

maybe i should put on some music and dance over-enthusiastically in my living room and it will all be better.