f-ing boys

i'm way too tired to go into every little detail but...
i hate my crush!!!
i hate him for being so difficult and cocky/insecure/smart ass and impossible to read.
i hate me for having a stupid crush on such a frustrating boy.
and he is.
a boy. a guy. a guys guy who has no clue that i'm interested.
the most i get is an elastic band shot at me from over a cubicle.
and i eat it up like a teenage girl who just ran into the jonas brothers at the dairy queen.

fuck i hate him. he's such a dick.

and in the meantime i could go for at least two other guys at the office. but am i interested??? no. of course not!! bah!
but he's tall and lanky and kinda geeky but in a cool way and has nice hands and wears his prescription sunglasses at his desk b/c he broke his regular glasses....
and he makes smartass/borderline insulting comments about me being the partner's daughter that make me want to punch him/have hot hate-sex with him.

this is torture.
thank god tax season is over in a week.

crush

okay. so it's been nearly a month since my last blog. not cool, i know.
but i'm working 9-5 like dolly parton, and i'm writing in my journal again....and i've been drunk the past 4 weekends. maybe more.

so now that my excuses are over...

i have a crush on a boy at my office/ my dad's office.
at first i thought he was really young, not b/c he looks young, but b/c he's a student - so i wasn't allowing myself to actually have the crush - seeing as my crushes on younger boys were becoming a habit.

however, i was wrong. just found out he is a mere 1 year younger than me. so basically my age. i've been denying myself a propper crush for a month b/c of misinformation. horray! i'm not turning into a coug!

i even started to consider the awkward british guy at the office who reeeaaaally likes me b/c i thought there were no better options. (and when i say awkward, not in a hot hugh grant way - more in an 'i-can't-imagine-having-sex-with-you-unless-i-was-so-drunk-and-needy-and-then-waking-up-in-the-morning-and-being-all-oh-shit-oh-fuck-oh-shit' kind of way).

in all fairness to the brit, the attention was kinda fun - but now i'm quite sure i would never date him ever so i just have potential awkward advances to avoid. but scarily, he was up for consideration...

but back to the subject at hand.
a boy my age who is cute and likely single actually exists. i thought they had all been shot. even if absolutely nothing comes of this b/c i'm his boss' daughter and he's therefore afraid of me(minor issue) - it provides hope.

it's like highschool all over. i have my flirt strategies set out for the week. we're both going to be at the neil young concert this week. unfortunately i'll be going with my dad... not exactly ideal... seeing as this will probably feed his fear of me... but it's fodder for conversation... right?
i don't even know how to do this.
i can't remember the last time i've gone after a guy. i've always just gone for the guys that go for me first.
how lame is that? i'm such a lame-o.
could explain why all my relationships are doomed to fail.
or it could just be my issues with committment.

ahhh...
what a fluffy non-substantial blog.
i guess this is what happens when you move back to a small city and get a real job.
i promise it's only temporary!!!

but while i'm temporarily retarded - i'll try to keep the blogs up to date.