Monday, March 19, 2007

faith

i feel slightly ill. i started a 30 day cleanse yesterday. it's kicking my ass.
i felt blah all day today - until i went to work. i was dreading work. i wanted to sit at home and mope. but then i went to my job, and i remembered "hey, i like my job!" unfortunately i got a headache and the last hour and a half was a bit tedious - but not b/c of the work.
my bf and i had a conversation last night. about fears. about us. we have these conversations sometimes. they are good b/c they connect us. i think he's a wonderful person... a wonderful person for me. i'm waiting for the day that i can believe in fairytales again... that i can believe in "love conquering all" and "meant to be" and "soulmates". he's worthy of all these things - but i'm still cynical.
it's hard to restore beliefs 100% when they've been shaken. i used to believe in things so strongly, with such conviction. now i protect myself. i don't committ. i wait and see. that's not good enough. how do i get it back?

5 comments:

warriorprincesse said...

it's hard to believe in that stuff after experiencing other stuff. but the belief will come back. my lovah got extremely cynical and is now thawing out because i'm awesome. so you will too. and you want to, so you're already far along.

skinny-rabbit said...

warriorprincesse did her damndest to thaw me too. I just started watching Grey's Anatomy and in one of the first episodes Meredith says "Boundaries don't keep others out, they fence you in." I believe her, but I'm still not willing to completely let go of my boundaries. Are you?

artsmonkey said...

i like my boundaries

Neenia said...

Grey's Anatomy rules. i like my boundaries too.

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