Wednesday, February 13, 2008

playing it safe

why does it feel like nothing is happening when i'm busier than i've been in months? i'm antsier than ever, i feel like things are on pause... or worse, rewind. yet i'm in a show, producing a monthly show that will start in less than a week and co-writing a screenplay.
it just feels predictable. it feels like i've done this before... well in a way, i have.
i want drastic change.
i want motivation.
i want inspiration.
i feel like i'm not pushing myself to my potential.
i'm letting myself get fat.
i need to turn things up a notch. the online dating entertained me for a bit. the tongue piercing was a brief distraction. the drunken sex put a pause in my drought. the play is placating my actor. the cabaret is filling my mental resume. the climbing gym is keeping me in moderate shape.
but these are all bandaids.
i think some serious risk taking is in order. i think i need to push my boundaries. i think i need to figure out what it is i'm doing, and jump.
so what'll it be?