Thursday, April 24, 2008

mom vs dad

i just got off the phone with my dad and now i'm all stressed out about my trip. he called re: my finances. he let me know that he figured i planned my trip about six months sooner than i could actually afford it. he had his 'concerned' voice on.
i don't want my dad to worry about me. i don't think he wants me to do this. all three times i've talked to him on the phone he sounds worried and almost annoyed at me.
but i know i'm supposed to do this.
i don't have doubts about it.
it just sucks that i know my dad probably thinks i'm being totally irresponsible.
i told him i was aware of my finances. i told him i was aware that i'd be in debt when i get back. i'm completely okay with that. this is worth it to me.
i think he thinks i'm crazy and retarded.

he was the one who pushed me toward a university degree. a practical but relatively useless tool. glad i have it, but don't know that i'd be worse off without it... i'd probably just be in less debt.
i can't trust that dad knows best in all situations.
i don't actually think that parents really know best once their kids grow up.
not that they don't know things.... but their knowledge is overshadowed by their need to protect.

my mom on the other hand seems to get it. i explained to her that this is something i feel i was meant to do, and meant to do now. my mom gets those kinds of things.

funny how i am usually more open to my dad as he is less likely to state an opinion or openly judge.... but in this case it's different.

bah! i was relaxed.... i was feeling a sense of calm - which is hard to feel when you're completely about to uproot your entire life... now i feel shitty. now i can't sleep. now i feel like i need to prepare everything now.... which i can't b/c it's midnight and i have to work tomorrow at 730am.