Thursday, April 06, 2006

is it okay to be happy?

i recently had a phone conversation with my dad. i only call home about once every two to three weeks, and the last time i spoke to my parents, it was because they had heard i recently broke up with my boyfriend. the guy i was supposed to marry.... the guy i wanted to move in with.... the guy my dad liked... the guy who i can't remember why i wanted all those things with.
i called to tell my dad how great life was going for me - to tell him about all the new opportunities i'd been presented with... i had so much news, i was so excited, i felt like my break up was just waiting to happen and now i can spread my wings and FLY!!!!!
all this may have been a bit more than he could take. he kept saying things like "well, are you happy?".... and "these times can be difficult".... etc. etc. i think he thought i was putting on a face. i think he thought that underneath all this i'm really completely devestated that my plan of house and family was squashed... he even alluded to the fact that he didn't think it was really the end of this relationship.
i avoided mentioning that i was having mindblowing sex with a sexy chef. some things don't fit into parent/child conversation material.
i'm starting to think it's the parents that take break ups the worst.... all they want is a "happily married" child and some rugrat grandkids.
dad... that's not going to make me happy. at least not right now.
or maybe i am just crazy and delusional - but if so, i enjoy it very much:)