Friday, April 21, 2006
it seems that whenever one of my relationships end, a heart felt letter is soon to follow. I woke up this morning to find a small wrapped gift (a cd) and a letter on my doorstep from my most recent ex. it's been over a month since we split. this is not the first time i've received a letter like this - granted, i didn't expect it from this boyfriend - but the situation itself is becoming almost traditional. the gift of a cd or cassette is also not new to me. it's the "i'll never forget you" letter, the "i miss you letter", the "you were a wonderful friend and lover" letter. granted, it is flattering. it feels good to be missed. it makes me lighten up on the bitter-about-my-ex thoughts. to be honest though, this pattern is starting to weird me out. does this happen to everyone? is this normal? i've discussed this with friends before, and i'm usually the only one who experiences this on a regular basis. the relationships fail, but i get to keep these emotional souvenirs. the thing that's even weirder, is the letters are becoming more and more the same. the last two exes letters both referred knowing that they are not the first to write something like this for me. part of me wonders if it's now going to become a competition - when one boyfriend finds out that i recieved something from another boyfriend - they either want to top it, or at least get honorable mention in the ex boyfriend hall of fame. that's another thing - i'm only 25 and i already have quite the collection. is this my destiny? to be the letter girl? to be the girl that got away? should i embrace this role? forget about anything long term and bask in the muse-like influence i have on these men? I used to think it was because they were all writers or artists or musicians of some sort - but that's not the case anymore. now the regular guys are joining in the romantic parade. how long can this go on for? I have a theory that these guys need the one that got away before they settle down. they need to feel like they experienced a movie like romance and now they can grow up and get on with it. as of right now, i'm okay to fill that part - but i think one day i'm going to wish that i could just meet someone who sees me as something other than the one that's going to get away. then again i guess that time will come when i'm really ready to stick around.