today is the first day in a long stretch where i've felt lonely. like lonely single lonely. it's not overwhelming - just a twinge.
i have a date tonight. someone i've been out with once before. seems like a really nice guy - someone i would be friends with. i'm actually hoping that's all it amounts to, is friendship, because i'm not sure if i'm attracted to him. although i've only met him once.... the thought of having a 'nice time' with someone i've just met could be part of the source of this new lonley feeling. or maybe it's because the world just slowed down for me today after whizzing around my head. or maybe it's because my friend canceled dinner plans on me at the last minute. or maybe it's because i had sex last night after a moderate dry spell (with a total mutual understanding that we don't want to get involved) and had the taste of something physical again... but just physical... or maybe i'm just tired.
i have an on line crush. this may be either part of source of lonliness, or a byproduct of... i'm supposed to meet him tomorrow. part of me hopes that we don't click in person. or at least not physically... because on paper, he's my exact type - a photographer (hot), adventure photographer (even hotter), rock climber (hot), super active and outdoorsy (hot), a year younger than me (very hot), is environmentally concious(hot), has his own business, his own house and seemingly is successful before the age of 30 (hot/makes me a teeny jealous).
so you see this would be a problem if i end up being super attracted to him as i don't want to be in a relationship.
but then this little enemy called lonliness sneaks up and makes it seem just a little bit appealing.
i just haven't had any luck with those relationship things for such a long time that i've thrown in the towel.... at least for the time being.
well, anyway, this blog is a bit rambly...
i'm sure i'll go back to non lonely by tomorrow.