i watch love on tv. lust. want of love.
i read about love and want of love.
i listen to friends talk about how great it is to have love, how much it sucks to lose and how much they want it.
this topic used to be my thing.
the search. trying trying trying.
it's not in my basket of 'wants' anymore.
who knows why.
maybe i'm exhausted by the search.
maybe i've temporarily given up.
maybe i don't believe in it.
maybe i'm just okay without it.
maybe i've built up my guards so much in the last year or so that i can't even remember what it feels like and therefore don't feel like i'm missing anything.
or maybe i don't even want to bother unless it is the real thing and i don't have the time or patience anymore to play the fairytale.
or maybe i have enough faith that life will lead me where i need to go and i shouldn't bother forcing or searching for it.
i feel like i've had a partial lobotomy and had the 'love' (romantic type) section removed.
in any case...
i think i'm actually content.
for the time being.