Friday, September 28, 2007

all grown up

yesterday a co-worker asked me about my 'partner'. i then briefly explained my break up (including the 4 months post-breakup of working together). he then said 'you must be really happy right about now' referring to the fact that as of a couple weeks ago i'm really on my own.
and i thought, 'yeah, i guess i am'
although the past few weeks (post halifax) i've been down and feeling alone in a not-so-great way.
his simple statement made me think - i should be happy. i have what i want.
i think part of my problem is i've been comparing my new single-dom to what i remember of being single.... but the thing is - the last time i was left single (for more than a month) i was 22 years old. and the time before that - 19.
i'm 27 years old. things have changed. i've changed. pretty much all of the goals i set for myself when i was 22 have been achieved.
i've finished school, i'm financially independent, i have a day job that i like, i live on my own, i have an agent and i'm actively pursuing my career (even though i haven't reached fame and fortune yet).
it didn't occur to me that i want different things now.
what all those things are - i'm not completely sure - but it's time to set new goals and live the life of 27yr old artsmonkey, not 22yr old artsmonkey.
at first i was depressed - i felt old. i felt like maybe my exciting life was coming to a close.
but that's silly. i wouldn't want to be 22 again.

so all that being said - i'm glad i'm on my own. i'm happy that i don't have to worry about anyone but me. i like doing what i want when i want, without feeling like i'm neglecting someone or being selfish.
i'm looking fwd to getting to know and figuring out this more grownup me (but of course not too grown up)

3 comments:

nosiren said...

i know. it's different. i had that realization too, except without having achieved any of the things i'd wanted at 22. this still concerns me a little, even though a number of those things are things i don't want that much any more. i wish i had some things to replace them, though. it's disconcerting to not really know whether or not you have any real goals.

nosiren said...

i get to visit you soon. wheee!

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