no inspiration

i haven't been inspired to blog lately. i feel like i have nothing interesting or articulate to say. i'm even avoiding my journal. i read. i read the sixth harry potter. loved it. couldn't believe it. and again i am sucked into the wizard world after a 4 year hiatus. i have to wait to get back to toronto to borrow the seventh... or maybe i'll find someone who can lend it to me here... i need it.

i've been drinking beer nearly every day. eating pub food. eating ice cream and cake. running every other day to try to stop it from turning into a squishy spare tire on my waist.... it's not working very well. and now my ass is getting bigger from running. i don't get how that happens... i'm waiting patiently for the muscle in my ass to start eating the fat on my ass.... i don't think my muscles are all that hungry seeing as i keep feeding them ben and jerry's. dammit.

i'm going broke. my play is going well, but the audiences are super small b/c i barely know anyone here... so all the money i spent to get here is not being replaced by ticket sales. bah. and i want to go out and indulge on oysters and white wine.... i'm obviously going to do this anyways, but i'll feel guilty about it.

i'm here with my ex. it's okay. not great. not horrible. i'm being mean. i don't like that, but it's how i deal with my stress - i act like an asshole. it's one of my more endearing qualities. the 'being friends' thing is going alright... i think it should work in the long run - but i crave space.... although i could use a social life, which i don't really have here. and since it's always him and i out together, it looks like we're married (b/c everyone here over the age of 12 is married) so neither of us even has the chance for meaningless flirtation with the opposite sex. bah. it's a mutual cock block.

yet, i'm not ready to go back to toronto yet. we have 4 more shows. this is still sort of my holiday. when i get back to toronto i have to work. i have to complete the things i've been putting off. i have to put my nose to the grindstone. ouch. that sounds painful.

although i am looking fwd to seeing my friends again. i miss you guys.