Wednesday, August 22, 2007

rebel without a cause

i just feel like rebelling lately. being bad. doing what i shouldn't. i want to drink, smoke do drugs and have sex with inappropriate people. i want to stay up late on work nights. i want to blow work off (but i can't). i want to eat bad food and spend lots of money that i don't have. i want icecream. i don't want to clean, i don't want to pay attention, i don't want to take on any responsibility. i want to flop around my apartment and order in food and then complain that i'm fat and broke. i want to scream and throw my guitar out the window. i want to write nasty anonymous notes to my upstairs neighbors who throw loud parties on weeknights and don't invite me. i don't want to be nice. i don't want to answer my phone. i didn't send my dad a card for his bday and i'm not going to (we talked on the phone, so i can barely get away with this w/out being a completely horrible daughter). i don't feel like being sensitive to feelings. i'm just feeling like a big grouchy grouch with ants in my pants. i want to have sex but not with my ex. but i'm going to halifax with him for 2.5 weeks and staying probably in the same room. how does this work?
ahhhhrrrgggggg.
i want to break stuff.
it's that time of year.
symbolic back to school.
i don't want to go back. i want to go away.