Wednesday, August 22, 2007

rebel without a cause

i just feel like rebelling lately. being bad. doing what i shouldn't. i want to drink, smoke do drugs and have sex with inappropriate people. i want to stay up late on work nights. i want to blow work off (but i can't). i want to eat bad food and spend lots of money that i don't have. i want icecream. i don't want to clean, i don't want to pay attention, i don't want to take on any responsibility. i want to flop around my apartment and order in food and then complain that i'm fat and broke. i want to scream and throw my guitar out the window. i want to write nasty anonymous notes to my upstairs neighbors who throw loud parties on weeknights and don't invite me. i don't want to be nice. i don't want to answer my phone. i didn't send my dad a card for his bday and i'm not going to (we talked on the phone, so i can barely get away with this w/out being a completely horrible daughter). i don't feel like being sensitive to feelings. i'm just feeling like a big grouchy grouch with ants in my pants. i want to have sex but not with my ex. but i'm going to halifax with him for 2.5 weeks and staying probably in the same room. how does this work?
i want to break stuff.
it's that time of year.
symbolic back to school.
i don't want to go back. i want to go away.