Wednesday, May 16, 2007

isn't this supposed to be easier

i was doing okay. 24 hours. 30 hours. then the sun goes down. then there is no one else to talk to. then there are no more messages to check on facebook. then the book that i'm reading becomes exhausting. and i realize that i'm lonely. and i realize that i miss you. and i call you. and you say you'll call me back. and i hang up. and i cry.
making decisions out of practical assesment of a situation never makes it easier on the emotions.
is this the right choice? is this a bad idea? what happens next...
i'm surrounded by relationships that are not ideal. yet they continue. open relationships, long distance relationships. half assed relationships. i want something more. i want to know what i want. i want an 'aha!' moment. i don't want to settle. i don't want to just float along, existing...
but i understand why that is easier. i understand why one would choose that.
i'm looking for clarity.