looking back

whenever i hit a turning point in my life - i tend to look backwards and map out how i got to where i am. i do this with everthing, but specifically relationships. it's like i'm checking in. seeing how far i've come. seeing if i'm different, and how.

i'm going to see one of my exes this weekend. when i still believed in "the one", i thought he was it. i thought he was it for a very long time. then he got engaged. so that solved that problem.... but of course the engagement broke off - but by that time i was through with believing in "meant to be". we've played enough mind games with eachother over the last ten years... ten years? ... nine. anyway - let's say it's put a bad taste in my mouth when it comes to love.

we still maintain a warped sort of friendship. and he never really goes away. the rest of them go away. he seems to always be behind the next corner ready to spring out and mess with my brain... or have me mess with his.

he's got to be the least 'right-for-me' person i've ever dated. when i compare him to my most recent exboyfriend/current friend - he falls far behind. yet i have a certain sense of comfort knowing that he's still out there thinking about me every now and again. i think it's because i get the feeling that he really knows me. or maybe he just knows who i was.
who knows.

i'm very curious to see how our visit goes.... seeing as our last visit was drama to the max.
too bad i wasn't blogging back then - those would have been some very juicy entries.