memory

i stood outside of american eagle and remembered a shirt he used to wear. i loved that shirt. he looked so good in preppy/beachy clothes. i got caught in this memory for a while.
then i thought about his current girlfriend.
and i thought about where i was when i was with him.
and i think he's let himself be average.
he always let himself be average... even though he's not. or maybe he is. maybe i gave him too much credit.
i wonder if it's lonely, or if the days go by easier.

i go through phases where i think a lot about the people i've left behind. did i leave them, or did they just not want to come with me? i suppose in the end it's the same. i'm here. they are there.

i get a certain satisfaction in being alone. i get a certain comfort from being with someone.
i wonder if the two will ever come together and i will have comfort and satisfaction.
then i think - maybe i will never be satisfied - isn't that the life of an artist? isn't that why we create? but i know i'm on the right path. even if sometimes i stall or meander around in circles for a while.

at my birthday - one of my friends had a dejavu. i said that i like being part of someone else's dejavu. it makes me feel like i'm on the right path.

if i pay attention to the details, it isn't so hard to figure out where i'm going.