to thine own self be true

i'm an insomniac.
today was a healthy day - when i eat healthy it's harder to sleep. so now i'm drinking beer. good choice.
i was thinking about meant-to-be. i was thinking about fate. i was thinking about "to thine own self be true..."
i saw a play about a man who denied himself his true love for his entire life because he didn't want to be a homosexual. it eventually destroyed him and the people he loved.
i wonder if i've been too practical with my love life. after having my heart broken, i've gone about things to ensure that it never happens again. i've lived inside a shell. i've taken no personal/emotional risks.
but is that really true to who i am? or am i just being safe.

i lost faith in love a couple of years ago.
just in the past week i've felt a flicker of something that i haven't felt in a while - faith.
faith that there might be such thing as true love/meant to be.

time to myself has proven to be valuable. so has time with friends. old and new. i want more time.
i'm going to new york - and i'm going to soak it in, send out some questions to the universe, and listen.